Heth Does Yoga

I've kind of always avoided yoga, figuring it was kind of googly-woogly and a little too mystical for my taste. I really had no interest in "going into myself and finding unification of body, mind, and soul". I only have two eyes, thankyouverymuch, so I have no idea what you are talking about asking me to focus on my third one. But the stretching, athletic, toning aspects of yoga have always been appealing. When I went looking for a prenatal yoga DVD that would stretch out some of these achy pregnant joints, I sought out my friend Sara's advice. That would be my very pregnant friend Sara who I knew wouldn't fail me. Of course she didn't. I was thrilled when she recommend a DVD that was very basic and tasteful, focusing on just the poses and no chanting or whatever else. It's been awesome and I completely enjoy it. Running is starting to have to taper down, my hip joints are beginning to feel the strain, so they love me after being coaxed into all sorts of contortions that stretch and soothe them. But I have a feeling my experience isn't as relaxing as it's intended to be.

Take this morning for example. Now why I chose to pop the DVD in right smack dab in the middle of the morning school rush, I don't know. The school kids are old enough to get themselves ready with an occasional "encouragement" from me. Something along the lines of "Do you have your shoes on, have you brushed your teeth, do you know where your backpack is? No? Then why are you laying on the couch?" That kind of encouragement.

If you need a picture in your mind, picture this. Me, in the center of the living room, twisted into some sort of a living sculpture with one leg in the air. Toddlers running circles around me as if I am the eye and they are the hurricane. Teenager, sighing and asking for lunch money. The elementary crew, busy looking for their shoes. Not a picture of relaxation, but that's my own fault. My timing wasn't great.

So by the time I yelled goodbye from a very awkward "downward dog" and was left with just the three littles, the session was coming to a close. The workout ends with shavasana which is basically laying flat on your back, and breathing deeply, and relaxing. For those of us who are in the second or third trimester, laying flat on the back isn't a good idea, so I was laying on my side. It was hopeless. The instructor is soothingly trying to coax me into "allowing a gentle wave of relaxation to flow from the top of my head to the tips of my toes". The only wave I feel is the one of total anxiety washing over me as Toby and Gemma hurdle me like Thoroughbred's. I am a human obstacle for my little purple rain-booted two year old. I don't trust the stability of that miniature body running in Barney boots. I can foresee a collision. When Toby resorted to straddling me and bouncing on my fragile belly, I decided that this isn't what the instructor had in mind and I scrapped the "relaxation" and turned on cartoons.

Yoga can be hazardous to your health if done in the presence of small children.