Every girl dreams of being the princess, maybe some more than others. The beautiful dresses, the glass slippers, the tiara. Sigh.
I recently took steps to attain my princesshood. I pursued my crown. But it wasn't a glamorous crown, it was a painful crown. A dental crown. Oh goodness gracious sakes alive, what an experience.
I have had my share of dental work in my 31 years thus far. Orthodontics, oral surgery, root canals, wisdom tooth extraction, etcetera, etcetera. It it weren't for modern dentistry, I'd be a full blown hillbilly. Crooked teeth, missing teeth, who knows what else. At least I could wear bib overalls with pride. And go barefoot all day with a baby on my hip. Wait...
I showed up for my first appointment unsure of what to expect. I knew it would be a long process but I didn't know exactly what would be involved. The little mouth-holder-opener was a lot of fun. I felt like a kid with vampire teeth that were permanently fixed open. They started with the grinding and grinding. I'm assuming they were chunking away at my tooth, belt sanding the thing down to nothing. At some point they took a couple molds. That's fun too. Having your teeth cemented to each other and not being able to swallow properly. Oh the sensations of suffocating.
At one point she put something in there that tasted absolutely horrific. I gagged and grasped at my chest, and tried to partially sit up with my mouth secured open, and a vacuum sucker shoved down my throat. It was a beautiful moment of dignity. Very princess-like. And then there is the looming questions of what to do with your eyes during dental work. Stare into the light and burn your retinas thereby distracting yourself from the uncomfortableness of the actual dental work? Look straight into the eyes of the dental assistant? Count ceiling tiles? Or the option I always choose, close your eyes. But that can be dangerous for a mother of seven. Reclined in a chair with mostly silence save the Muzak, it is very tempting to doze off. How embarrassing though if I would do the infamous leg-jerk-awake reaction. Not the safest thing to do with a drill in your mouth.
I triumphed. I exited the dental office with a little less dignity and a temporary false tooth. They warned me that "in case it comes off before your next appointment" I should come in to have it recemented. But until I get in, I can temporarily attach it with toothpaste. Now THAT would be classy. In the middle of a dinner out, mid bite, my cuspid goes flying across the table. Excuse me sir, but my tooth is in your soup. Just a minute, I need to fish it out and then go reapply it in the bathroom with this travel sized toothpaste I carry in my purse.
I hold fast to the truth that Sara Crewe said so well, " I am a princess. All girls are." Even if they are repressing their inner hillbilly while sporting temporary false teeth.
By the end of my next appointment, I will have my crown. I WILL be a princess.
13 comments:
I love it!! So Hillarious!! First of all, I was just about to tell you what your next project can be since the running is over. Then seconds later I saw the princess thing up and I said, "She just posted another"!!! I totally relate. I have horrific teeth!! Always in the dental chair for hours. I've pretty much had everything done that you mentioned, with the exception of my tooth flying across the table. How embarrassing. Your story was very well worded. I'm not so good with funny stories lke that. Good Job!
Awwwww hillbilly, you'll always be a princess to us. ;-)
You mean to tell me that I've been a princess for the last two years and I didn't even know it!!!!!!!! So my question for you... is your crown going to be a nice shiny silver or do you get a crown that is custom made to match? Either way you're royalty baby... LIVE IT UP! LOL :)
Oh, my word. That was almost too descriptive! I can hear the whine of the drill and I am about to break out in a sweat.
Honey, I think your readers are going to laugh and tremble at this one!
Do my six crowns and bridge qualify me for maybe queen status? Believe me, brush your teeth and stay a princess!
Making eye contact feels weird, like you're making a pass at them or something. I always think, "You know guys love being in this chair while the female is working on them. You just know it."
I love it...especially the hillbilly part!!
If i wasn't completely horrified by the whole event- the taste, the wincing of the drill, and my back sweating- i would have laughed until i peed. You are such a hoot!
um, i can almost smell that burny smoky tooth grinding smell the drill makes...YIKES, and you acted like nothing happened today, did not even offer to show me your falsie even after i brought cookies and massaged olive oil on your raw roast R-U-D-E ha ha but come to think about it you were barefoot, with a baby.....WAIT!
This post was hysterical! Sorry you had to go through so much trauma, but on the upside, it made a great post. :)
Dental work is a fright for me. Having my wisdom teeth removed was worse than childbirth!
I hope your experience with your first crown is better than mine. I won't bore you with the ongoing details (or scare you either.) But if it remains painful after a couple of days, CALL THEM ASAP!
YOU CRACK ME UP! Barefoot with a baby on your hip....
I've always been fascinated with the telescope they wear on their glasses, though - sometimes I try to figure that thing out while he's too focused for him to notice me frowning at him in curiosity. Oh, this post was great. Makes me wanna blog....
Oooohhh, have I been there girl. Five times so far and after my last check-up I now have a "dental plan" for three more. Let me tell ya, I'ma gonna be more royal than the Queen o' England!
All that to say, I feel your pain.
I have 2 crowns, so am I a queen as well?? I could smell the "tooth dust" as I call it, while reading this post. Ugh. I thought I was the only one who hated the dentist. No wonder they are the profession w/ the highest suicide rate. No one likes them! Poor dentists. Poor us for having to go to them. Hope the tooth turns out ok.
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